I am ashamed to say it, but after receiving God into my heart, I didn't commit to Him like I should have. I continued in the majority of my sins, even though, God would now speak to my heart every time that I did something sinful. I would feel God in my heart telling me not to do something, and I would do it anyways. I continued in this way until after I graduated from high school. By this time, I had really started to doubt my salvation. God didn't talk to me like he had right after I got saved. Looking at myself from the outside, I hadn't been a good witness for God, which is why God hadn't talked to me like He had before. I pushed Him out of my life over the years, I hardly ever prayed unless it was convenient for me, and I never read my Bible. I wasn't a very good friend to him, even after He gave me the greatest gift that anyone could receive, being the gift of eternal life. The summer after high school, I went to a Bible Camp with my best friend. I had been there before, but that was the year before I started high school, and I hadn't had the understanding of the importance of a relationship with God then. I went into the camp thinking that it was going to be an exhausting week of going to class everyday, then having to go to preaching, and I was honestly kind of bitter about it. So, I get there on a Sunday night and the actual camp begun on Monday morning. All the people that had came early, all sit around talking and playing games, and I was so surprised at how comfortable I felt around these people. I am a rather reserved person, but being around the people there just felt right. When we went up to our cabin to sleep, I was dreading what the next day would bring.
On Monday, the teacher taught his lesson on assurance, which is having the knowledge and security that you are saved. Having been doubting my salvation, I had to wonder if God was directing that lesson at me. So, I went to the church service that night, the preacher preached on assurance. My heart was beating out of my chest when he started to preach on that subject. On Tuesday, the next teacher taught on assurance. Okay, now I'm getting a little freaked out to be honest. That night, the preacher preaches on assurance. After service that night, we went to our nightly devotions with the other girls, the leader of the devotion talked about assurance. By this time, I knew that these lessons and services were being pointed right at me. God wanted me to commit my life to Him, so that I could live my life for Him. On Wednesday, the teacher taught his lesson on...you guessed it, assurance. I hadn't felt so pointed out so much in my life. I had came to this camp with a strong doubt in my mind, and I was finally beginning to get some peace about my salvation. That night, the preacher taught on assurance. Thursday, the last day of classes and preaching, the lesson and preaching was on...assurance. By this day, I had found such peace in my heart. I was singing the songs that we sung daily louder than I ever had, I had joy like I had ever had, and I honestly just wanted to jump on the table and tell everyone what Jesus had done for me. When I left the camp on Friday, I wanted to just keep going. I wanted to stay around the Godly people that I had come to love, but unfortunately, I had to go back and face the world. After we left camp, we went out and ate. I had noticed such a difference in the world. No longer did it appeal to me, but it completely disgusted me. There was sin all over the place, and I could feel it strongly around me. Since that feeling, I knew that I couldn't go back to living the way I was. I had to continue my journey with God in hopes that I could be a witness for Him and encourage other people to be open to the idea of a life with God. When I got home, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let a day go by without reading my Bible and praying to God. I have kept this promise, but I definitely haven't been perfect since then. I have sinned, but God always brings my mind back to the place where He saved me, and I know that I can't go back to a life of sin. The joy that comes from following God doesn't compare to anything in the world.
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